Pokemon: The True Story
by gokustheman3345
Summary: What happens if Pokemon could talk to humans and also were reincarnated people from other universes? Follow my two OCs as they talk to Pokemon and follow the plot of red version (my favorite gb game)!
1. Pokémon - I Choose You!

**Hello thank you for reading! This will be long story written by my editor and editor co-editor! Thank you please review!**

* * *

"Caspia! Rise and shine!"

Caspia groaned and threw her blanket over her face. She didn't want to go to school today.

"Wake up, Caspia! It's time for you to go become a Pokemon Master!"

"Five more minutes, mom..."

Eventually, Caspia's mom threw her out of the house. She was still in her pajamas, but her mom reassured her that it was okay because adults were allowed to wander around outside in their nightgowns as long as they had pokemon. Caspia didn't have a pokemon yet, but that's why she was headed over to Professor Oak's house. Caspia's mom told her that she was going to get a Pokemon today. She didn't tell her why, but who really cared? She was twelve years old, for crying out loud. It was about time she got to do whatever she wanted to do all of the time.

With that thought in mind, Caspia confidently walked nextdoor and entered the lab.

"Professor Oak!" She cried. "I'm here for my Pokemon! It's time to start my great Pokemon adventure! Also, I'm hungry. Do you have any food? My mom didn't feed me breakfast."

Suddenly, the door flew open and Professor Oak's obnoxious grandson, Anthony, walked in.

"Ant, what did I tell you about kicking in the door?" Professor Oak complained.

Anthony sighed dramatically. "Whatever, gramps. Hey, are you giving Caspia a pokemon?"

"Yes. Caspia is old enough to start a mission, and I was just telling her about this spiritdex. It's a device that lets you see into the very souls of pokemon, and determine their ancestry."

"Wooow, that's so neat. What is it for?" Caspia asked.

Oak walked over to his desk and ruffled through a thick stack of transparencies. He pulled a sheaf of them out from the middle and stuck them on his projector. When he turned it on, an aerodactyl appeared on the wall behind him.

"As you know, pokemon are vessels for the souls of deceased humans from other planets. I have a hypothesis that a pokemon's spirit is tied to the types of the vessel it inhabits. For example, rock pokemon like this aerodactyl seem like they tend to attract the spirits of those focused on the material world: engineers and scientists. However, because communication with Pokemon is so difficult, it's been hard to find evidence for this theory before now. The spiritdex will allow you to directly communicate with a pokemon's spirit and query it about its former life."

"So I can talk to pokemon now?! That's so neat! I want to ask the rattata in my attic why it keeps chewing on the cords to my Wii U." Caspia said.

"You're really giving Caspia this thing? Come on. I'm your own grandson and I'm way better at science stuff. Let me do it!" Ant looked like he was about to enter one of his famous temper tantrums

"I think souldex is a much better and way cooler name," Caspia said.

"Hmm. Actually, it would probably be better if I gave one to both of you. I'm going to need a very large sample set if I want to publish my research on pokemon souls. However, just talking to Ratatas won't be enough. If you take this, I'll need you two to embark on a dangerous mission around Kanto, talking to as many pokemon as possible. You might even die or be robbed at poke-point by Team Rocket hooligans. I know you're not even teenagers yet, but I think you're ready for the crushing responsibility of living by yourself and making end's meet in a world where even walking between two villages is highly dangerous and typically involves navigating labyrinthine caverns."

"I'm going to call it a souldex from now on," Caspia said decisively.

"Sounds awesome!" Ant yelled.

"You'll need pokemon to start your journey. Caspia, since you're a year older, you can pick your pokemon first." Oak pressed a few buttons on his projector and the floor slid open. A dais flew out from the floor with three pokemon on it (a charmander, squirtle, and bulbasaur).

"Ummm. This turtle looks the cutest. I'll take it!" Caspia said.

"That is sooo dumb. Don't you know water types are weak to grass types? I want Bulbasaur." Ant said.

"Whatever, Ant. Water types are good against a lot of other types, plus he already knows tail whip."

"Now, kids. Both of those pokemon are great. You'll both do well on your journey, I suspect. You should get some rest and start tomorrow."

Caspia turned to leave, but Ant jumped in her way. "Not so fast! We have to battle first."

"Why?" Caspia asked.

"So I can prove my pokemon is better than yours..." Ant said as if this should be super obvious.

"Yeah, but who cares? Why does it even matter? We haven't started training them yet, so it wouldn't even reflect on our skill as trainers."

"But we're rivals. Duh. That means we have to battle."

Caspia sighed and started to walk around him.

"Bulbasaur, stop her!" Ant yelled, and threw his new bulbasaur at Caspia. It landed with a thump on the floor behind her, shook itself out of a daze, and stared at her squirtle hungrily.

Caspia pulled out her spiritdex (It looked sort of like a radar gun covered in buttons arrayed in a haphazard way across its casing) and aimed it at the bulbasaur. Maybe knowing its personality would help her with the fight. She pulled the trigger and some text flashed on the LED screen:

* * *

 **HERMIONE GRANGER**

\- EXPERT WITCH

\- KNOW-IT-ALL

\- OBSESSED WITH GRADES

* * *

"Caspia!" Professor Oak yelled. "If you want to speak to the pokemon, hold down the red button on your spiritdex."

Caspia looked at the blobby controller in her hand. It had about a dozen buttons, three of which were different shades of red. She pressed one at random.

"I'm so excited about learning new combat moves! I wonder what rate leech seed drains my opponent's health at. The manual just says 'Steals HP from the foe every turn'. I wish my IVs were better, but I'm sure my trainer will give me excellent EVs to make up the difference. This first fight should be interesting, I've calculated that it will take me 3 tackles to kill this squirtle as long as I don't miss." Hermione seemed to be thinking out loud directly at Caspia. Caspia was a little taken aback.

"BULBASAUR USE GROWL TO LOWER ITS ATTACK!" Ant screamed.

"That's not correct though, I have a way better chance of winning if I just tackle, but... it's not my job to disobey. Grr... I guess..."

Squirtle had been staring at Bulbasaur in befuddlement. When it growled, squirtle ran behind Caspia's legs, trembling. Caspia pointed the spiritdex at her new pokemon to learn more about it.

* * *

 **NAVI**

\- PRIM, IMPATIENT

\- REDUNDANT AND SHRILL

\- EXPERT NAVIGATOR AT LIFE

* * *

"What does growl do?" Caspia wondered out loud.

Hermione started to answer, "Growl lowers their-"

"It scares your pokemon senseless!" Ant interrupted. "I hope your squirtle doesn't piss its pants!"

"Boys are gross," Caspia said. "Squirtle, use tail whip!"

"Hey!" Squirtle cried. "Listen! My attack has been lowered by growl."

"That's cool." Caspia said. "But can you use tail whip please?"

"Hey!" Squirtle said. "Listen-"

"SQUIRTLE USED TAIL WHIP!"

 _This is going to be a really long battle_ , Professor Oak thought. "Hey kids, don't you think it would be way more fun to have this battle outside and not in my lab?"

"You can't interrupt a pokemon battle, prof! Don't worry, though, I'll finish this off really quick. BULBASAUR, HIT HER WITH ANOTHER GROWL!"

Hermione sighed and obligingly growled at the squirtle again. Ant fiddled with his spiritdex idly.

"HEY LISTEN! My attack is two stages lower now!" Navi pointed out.

"Oh god, what are we going to do?" Caspia cried in despair. "Navi, use tail whip again!"

After a successful tail whip, Squirtle turned towards Caspia. "Hermione's defense is now also two stages lowered."

"Excellent!" Caspia made a fist. "We're clearly the victors here."

* * *

Professor oak yawned, having spent the last two hours intensively studying some very important documents, the contents of which were so complicated they could not possibly be explained here. _I should probably go check on my two new proteges,_ he thought. _They're probably done with their battle by now, right_?

Hesitantly, he peeked back into the main area of his lab.

Ant was sobbing on the floor, while Caspia stared down at him, looking embarrassed.

 _Well, I think it's clear who the victor was._

"I-I can't believe we did it, Bulbasaur…!" He let out another sob, giving his pokemon a tight squeeze. "We're really th-the best out there! We're gonna make it to th-the top!"

"Please let me go…" Hermione squeaked. Ant only hugged her tighter.

"Oh well," Caspia shrugged. "I should have kept using tail whip instead of switching to tackle. Navi, what on earth were you thinking, anyway?"

"Hello!" Navi said.

"Hi," Caspia said back.

" Hey, c'mon! Let's go get the first gym badge!"

"Gym badge?"

"Brock of Pewter Gym uses rock type pokemon! You should use water or grass-type against him!"

"What's a Pewter Gym?" Caspia asked.

"HEY!" Navi said. "LISTEN!"

"I think I'm going to leave now," Caspia said. With that, she walked out of the lab.


	2. Pokémon Emergency!

Ant set down Bulbasaur and smiled. It looked like Caspia had left while they'd been hugging. Ant picked up his backpack and started walking toward the door.

"Ant, wait!" Professor oak shouted. "I need somebody to pick up a parcel for me in Viridian City. Can you give Caspia this receipt?"

"Why couldn't I just pick it up myself, Gramps?"

"Uhh. I would feel more comfortable if Caspia picked it up. Maybe I'll just go give her the receipt myself..."

"I can do it, Grandpa! I won't open your package or anything. Come on!"

"Fine, Ant. Just don't drop it!"

"Sweet. Thanks Grandpa! I won't let you down."

Ant ran out the door and straight into the tall grass of Route 1. He wanted to catch up with Caspia.

"Okay, Navi! I think his defense is low enough now. Use tackle!" Caspia seemed to be fighting a Rattata.

The squirtle's charged knocked the Rattata on its side. Navi started beating it with her little fists.

"HEY LISTEN, this is a physical attack!"

Ant decided it would be fun to interrupt their battle.

"Why are you even fighting such a common pokemon? Rattata is useless."

"I'll have you know that this pokemon contains the ancient spirit of Haruhi Suzumiya, nimrod."

"Okay, but it's still super weak. I'm going to go look for pidgeys."

Ant kept running until he saw a pidgey in a tree. He lifted up Hermione to throw at it, but then he remembered she was a little too heavy. He threw a rock instead and the pidgey flew away.

"Damn! I guess I need to be more stealthy."

Near the entrance to Viridian city he finally found another Pidgey. This time he scanned it with his Spiritdex first.

* * *

 **JAMES DOAKES**

\- EXPERT COP

\- PRETTY GOOD JUDGE OF HUMAN CHARACTER

\- RUDE

\- DOESN'T PLAY WELL WITH OTHERS

* * *

Awesome! Ant was very excited about catching mean pokemon, since naturally they were the best at battling.

"Okay, Hermione. We're going to diverge from our normal tactics here. Tackle it first and then growl while it's pinned down. Then I can catch it." He whispered.

Hermione, excited by the chance to actually do something effective, didn't point out to Ant that he didn't have pokeballs to catch it with. She sprung forward on her thick hind legs and knocked the pidgey onto its bottom.

"Get off me you sick motherfucker!" Doakes shouted. He pulled himself back onto his legs, but Hermione still had one of his wings in her meaty paws.

"You're just mad that I surprised you! It's your turn to attack now, though. I would try gust if I were you!" Hermione said.

"Go fuck yourself!" Doakes yelled before biting into Hermione's paw. She let go in surprise and Pidgey flew up.

"First I get burned alive by that fuckin' psycho, then I wake up in a god-damn bird body, and now this fuckin' freaktard is trying to kill me for no god-damn reason." Doakes muttered.

Hermione tried to tackle him again and he quickly flew underneath her leap, landing on the ground behind her.

"SURPRISE MOTHERFUCKER!" Doakes blasted Hermione with a gust of wind, knocking her to the floor

"My HP is critical!" She cried.

Ant decided it was time to act while Doakes was distracted with Hermione. He threw another rock, hitting doakes squarely on the head. Before Doakes had time to do anything else besides utter another string of profanities, Ant tackled him to the ground. Doakes clawed and pecked all over Ant's body, but Ant was adept at harassing wild animals and successfully wrangled Doakes into his backpack before zipping it closed (leaving an air hole for doakes to breathe).

"You're my pokemon now!" Ant grinned triumphantly.

"If you think I'm going to listen to you, you're more sick than that psycho Dexter." Doakes said, but Ant wasn't listening.

"I can't wait to catch even more mean pokemon. I'm going to need a lot of backpacks, though."


	3. Ash Catches a Pokémon

_Wow, this Pokemon is really tough,_ Caspia thought. _I guess I should have paid a little more attention to my Souldex...  
_

* * *

 **HARUHI SUZUMIYA**

\- BOSSY, MANIPULATIVE

\- ALL POWERFUL

\- IN THE TOP PERCENTAGE OF RATTATA

* * *

"I wonder if my Souldex will be able to give me hints about how strong a Pokemon might be," Caspia wondered outloud. "Then again, why would someone who is 'all powerful' be stuck in a Rattata? Maybe Professor Oak's theories are off."

"Hey, listen! My HP is in the red!" Navi shrieked.

"Yes, I know that," Caspia sighed, annoyed. "I don't have any potions though. Also, aren't you supposed to be kind of a rare Pokemon, Navi? Why are you losing? Ant was right—it's just a Rattata."

"I'm not just a Rattata, idiot!" Haruhi shrieked. "I'll have you know that I'm in the top percentage of all Rattata!"

Caspia rolled her eyes. "Okay, but you're _still_ just a Rattata," she pointed out. "Even if you're the best Rattata in the whole world, you'd still be, like, bottom tier compared to other kinds of Pokemon."

"Shut up!" Haruhi screamed and threw herself towards Navi. "Quick attack!"

"Hey!" Navi shrieked. "Rattata is using quick attack—"

"That's super great, THANKS FOR TELLING ME, Squirtle, but could you please do something useful like _dodging?!_ "

Caspia's words were too little, too late. Rattata's quick attack was the last straw. With one quick thrust from the rat Pokemon, Navi fell backwards in a heap, unconscious.

"This sucks," Caspia said.

"You're telling me," Haruhi complained. "This is so boring. That was the easiest Pokemon I've beaten up so far, and I've been doing this for weeks."

"It wasn't _that_ easy," Caspia argued. "We put up a pretty good fight."

"You call that a good fight?" Haruhi stared at her for a few seconds before laughing. "Hahaha! You really are a total noobie, aren't you? God, you really need to train more, you know that? Ugh… I am so tired of everyone here! Why are all of the trainers in Route 1 so terrible?"

Haruhi just kept talking and talking. The more Haruhi talked, the more annoyed Caspia got.

"...sick of being in Route 1! I went to the forest and that was JUST as boring! You can't do anything as a wild Pokemon. Why can't I find a good damn trainer already? How am I supposed to fight the Elite Four like this?! HEY! Where the hell are you going?!"

Caspia had Navi in her arms and was walking towards Viridian City. "I'm going to the Pokemon center. Duh."

"You can't just leave me here!" Haruhi said. "Aren't you going to catch me? What, are you stupid or something?"

"My Pokemon is unconscious," Caspia pointed out.

"So? Don't you have any Pokemon balls?"

"No," Caspia said.

The rattata narrowed its eyes. Swiftly, it ran up to Caspia, circling her.

"Liar!" Haruhi shrieked. "You have exactly one Pokeball strapped to your belt!"

"Er, about that…" Caspia cleared her throat uncomfortably. "I found it… but I only have one. I'm, um, saving it for something. Like um, a pidgey. Or a Rattata that doesn't insult me constantly."

"What are you talking about?! I totally kicked your ass and you want a _different_ Rattata? You're not going to find a Rattata better than me, damn it! Hey!" By this point, Caspia was a good 30 feet ahead of her, back turned, running towards the town. "Where do you think you're going?! Come back here!" Haruhi shrieked as she followed Caspia to Viridian City.


	4. Challenge of the Samurai

Viridian City! This was the biggest city Ant had ever seen. It was AT LEAST 1.5x as big as Pallet Town. Ant counted five buildings! The closest was a big red building with a pokeball on it.

"I bet I can get a ball to put Doakes in there. That'll free up my backpack for new pokemon." Ant thought.

He ran to the poke-center and kicked the door open.

"Hi lady. I need a ball for the Pidgey in my backpack." He said to the nurse behind the counter.

"We don't sell pokeballs here, sir. I can heal up your pokemon for you, though... but only if they're contained in pokeballs." She pointed to the machine behind her, a flat black bed with 6 pokeball-sized indentations.

"Hmm. Are you sure it won't work if he's in my backpack?" Ant asked

"I guess there's only one way to find out. Give me your pokemon and I'll try it."

Ant handed her the pokeball containing Hermione and his backpack, visibly shifting back and forth from Doakes' struggles. The nurse blushed at the muffled swear words leaking out of the backpack. She placed Hermione in one of the indentations and left Ash's backpack on top of the bed. When she flicked a switch on the side to turn the device on, Hermione's pokeball began flashing and glowing as the machine charged it with energy. Ant's backpack also glowed a little, and Doakes' curses turned into screeches of dismay. He flew upward as hard as he could and managed to drag the backpack toward the edge of the bed. He would have managed to make it off, but unfortunately he was moving toward the corner of the room and simply slammed into the wall.

"I'm not going to burn alive again. Fuck this, fuck you, you sadistic psycho piece of shit!" Doakes yelled, loud enough to be heard through the backpack.

The nurse seemed too shocked to turn the device off. Her chansey was pulling on her skirt, squealing for her to hit the switch. Chansey's stubby arms couldn't reach. Ant scanned her with his spiritdex:

* * *

 **THOMAS COVENANT**

\- HERO OF THE LAND

\- REFORMED RAPIST

\- LEPER

\- UNBELIEVER

* * *

"If this place is real... IF this place is real, I have to stop what's going on. This place seems even more false than The Land. Nothing makes sense anymore. Why was I reincarnated into a place of healing. Doesn't anyone know I'm a leper?" Thomas Covenant said.

"Wow," Ant thought. "What a whiny Chansey."

In the meantime, the nurse had noticed the intermixed smell of burning plastic and burning feathers, and had disabled the machine. Doakes' curses continued unabated while Ant and the nurse extracted the remnants of the backpack.

Ant inspected the damage. The straps were all okay, it was just the back of the backpack that had been melted. It actually looked pretty badass in Ant's opinion. He opened the zipper to take a look at Doakes and managed to move his finger out of the way of a savage peck in the nick of time.

"Hey cutie." Ant said sarcastically.

"Fuck you, you little pervert." Doakes said.

A bunch of his feathers were burnt off all over his body, leaving bare scarred flesh behind.

Still, it looked like he'd be fine eventually. Ant zipped the backpack closed over Doakes' protestations.


	5. Showdown in Pewter City

Caspia walked out of Viridian City's Pokemon Center; her Squirtle was all healed up and she was ready to continue doing whatever she was doing before Navi passed out.

"Hey, listen!" Navi interrupted her train of thought. "Pewter City's Gym uses rock-type Pokemon!"

"Uggggggh," Caspia groaned. "I know that! You already told me like five times!"

"You should use grass or water type moves against him!" Navi informed here.

"We're not even in Pewter City yet!"

Navi ignored her. "Pewter City is located in the northwestern region of Kanto!"

Navi continued to tell Caspia about various facts about Pewter City while her trainer scanned the surrounding area. That Rattata that was stalking her is no where in sight. Thank God. It was screaming at her the entire way through Viridian City, but for some reason would not follow her into the Pokecenter. Check mate!

As she was looking around, she saw Ant come out of the Pokemart. He was holding a large brown parcel in his hands and had his signature smug grin plastered on his face.

 _Oh boy_ , Caspia thought. _I really don't want to deal with him right now_.

Caspia was about to ignore him and walk through town, but unfortunately, Ant saw her. Ant's grin became larger and he ran up to her, shoving a brown box into her face. Caspia noticed that the tape around the edges was ripped. Ant had done a pretty half-hearted job trying to disguise that he opened the package. He was holding the package with his thumbs firmly on the lid, presumably to keep the flaps from flying open.

"Hi Caspia!" Ant said. "I don't have much time to talk, Professor Oak gave me a SUPER IMPORTANT MISSION. I have to deliver this parcel to him post-haste. He asked for me specifically to do it since I'm so fast and good at battles."

"Whatever," Caspia rolled her eyes. "I don't want to run dumb errands for some old guy. You go back to Pallet down and I'll go onto Viridian Forest. I bet I'll even get to the next town before you! Hahahaha!"

Ant looked confused, but eventually the wheels clicked in his head and his shit-eating grin morphed into a scowl.

"That's not fair! I won our pokemon battle, so I should get to decide whether or not to deliver the package. Besides, the professor asked for you to do it anyway and told me to go get my first gym badge. I just lied earlier to make you feel better. My mom and my sister usually do this kind of stuff for me while I play video games, so I think it makes more sense for you to do it."

"I think if Oak asked you to do it, it's your responsibility. I don't really care what you do with it, though." Caspia started to walk toward the entrance to Viridian Forest.

"Stop right there! Let's have another battle. Loser has to deliver the package." Ant unzipped his backpack, pulled out an unconscious pidgey, and started to wave it in Caspia's face.

"I'm bored of talking to you. I'm going to the woods." Caspia said. Ant threw the package in the garbage and stormed off.


	6. Clefairy and the Moon Stone

"It's like you idiots don't even know what leprosy is," Thomas muttered into his paws, tears streaming down his cherubic face. "I'm not good enough to save anyone. I couldn't even save that poor bird. I'm broken inside."

"Uh… there, there, Thomas," Ant muttered. "it'll be okay."

The chansey had started crying when he pulled out Doakes to show its severe burns to the nurse. He was beginning to regret his decision to ask it what was wrong.

"How will it be okay? That poor creature is dead because I wasn't good enough. I'm not fit to inhabit even this terrible body."

"It's not dead, dude. Pokemon don't die, they just fall asleep. How do you not know this?" Ant was beginning to think this Chansey was disabled or something.

"It's really not dead? But it has burns all over its body. I guess this place really is just as unreal as the land. What did I do wrong, god? Why did you consign me to this infinite hell?"

"Uh. I have to go, Mr. Chansey. Good luck with your hell." Ant stuffed Doakes back into his bag and ran off. He went to the pokemart to pick up his package.

* * *

The squat, mustachioed man behind the counter went into the back to grab his package.

"Here you go. Parcel for Professor Oak."

Ant smiled and tore up the package right in front of the cashier. His smile turned into disappointment when he saw two ugly grey boxes.

"This is just science stuff!" He whined. "There's no naughty pictures."

The cashier shrugged and went back to restocking shelves. Ant hastily rewrapped the package and ran outside. He saw Caspia leaving the pokecenter.

"Hi Caspia!" He yelled. He could feel a smile forming on his face.

* * *

 _Wow, she's such a mean lady. She won't even deliver a package for me,_ Ant thought after his conversation with Caspia. He carefully placed Doakes back into his backpack and wandered into one of the nearby houses. Maybe somebody would have some nice stuff he could steal. This house had an old lady and a bidoof in it. He noticed a potion hidden behind a plant and carefully slipped it into his pack while he made small talk with the old lady. Ant was a very skillful criminal.

He pointed his spiritdex at the Bidoof.

* * *

 **MATT DAMON**

\- SURPRISINGLY INTELLECTUAL

\- GOOD AT MOVIES

\- SKILLFUL CRIMINAL

\- MIT JANITOR

\- DREAMY

* * *

 _We sure have a lot in common. I should befriend this Bidoof._

"Hi Matt!" he said. "Do you want to go on an adventure?"

"Kid, I'm pretty new to this world, but I can tell a slimeball when I see one. Why don't you drop the potion and get lost?" Matt said.

"Wow, I was just trying to be nice. I don't even want to be your friend anyway. You're just a stupid Bidoof. You don't even evolve to anything cool."

"Listen up, buddy. Someday your shitty attitude is gonna catch up with you. Get outta here now, or it might be today."

Ant grumbled and walked outside. _I don't need anymore pokemon anyway. I'm going to Pewter City!_

He walked toward the forest but ran into an old man.

"You can't go past here! It's private property." The old man said.

"But I need to get to Pewter City!" Ant whined.

"You can't go past here! It's private property." The old man said.

"How am I supposed to go through the forest then?" Ant whined.

"You can't go past here! It's private property." The old man said.

"YOU'RE A BIG JERK!" Ant yelled, and tried to kick the old man in the shin.

The old man nimbly dodged his kick and said "You can't go past here! It's private property."


	7. The Water Flowers of Cerulean City

Caspia stepped outside of Ant's house, a content smile on her face. This trip back to Pallet town had really been worth it.

After Ant had tossed Professor Oak's package in the garbage, Caspia had been eaten away with guilt at the thought of leaving it there. Also, Professor Oak was loaded. Caspia was confident that he would give her something cool if she told him about how Ant was too lazy to bring it back and had left it at the Pokemart. (She left out the part where he threw it in the garbage, because she wasn't that mean.)

"And I was totally right, wasn't I, Navi?" Caspia said excitedly, pulling out her new Pokedex. She wasn't sure what it did, but it looked pretty cool. Professor Oak tried to tell her about it, but she stopped listening once he handed her some Pokeballs. Those were way more interesting. Now she could catch more Pokemon without worrying about wasting them! And to top it off, Ant's sister had given her a Town Map, too. This was the best day ever.

Caspia strolled through Viridian City, heading north and out of the town. She saw Ant arguing with an old man and a weedle, but they didn't seem to notice her, so she ignored them and kept walking.

"That large building must be the entrance to Viridian Forest!" Caspia said. She started to run towards it, but stopped when she saw a Pokemon walking across the path in front of her. It was a new Pokemon she had never seen before. Quietly, Caspia pulled out her Pokedex and pointed it at the creature:

"NIDORAN M! Nidoran is a tiny rodent-like Pokémon. This Pokemon is pinkish purple with darker spots covering its body, with large ears, piercing red eyes and oversized front teeth. On its back—"

"Boring!" Caspia complained, turning off the device. She had grabbed the wrong one by accident. Caspia pulled out her Souldex instead:

* * *

 **MAESTER SEYMOUR GUADO**

\- NIHILISTIC

\- ARROGANT

\- GREAT POLITICIAN

\- SOMETIMES MURDERS PEOPLE BUT IS MOSTLY POLITE

* * *

"Uhhh..." Caspia gulped. That sounded ominous.

The Nidoran in question had noticed her and stopped walking. "What are you doing here?" Seymour complained. "You're in my way."

Caspia could feel her eye twitching. "It's a free country," she huffed. "Besides, I'm exploring Route 2 on my way to Viridian City. You're the one in my way."

The Nidoran rolled his eyes. "I follow this exact route at approximately the same time every day, so rest assured that _you_ are the one in _my_ way."

"Well, I don't really care what you think. I'm the human and you're just a Pokemon, so that makes me automatically right."

Seymour didn't seem to like Caspia's attitude. He stood on his hind legs and pointed a paw towards her in anger. "You would dare insult me? I am a Maester of Spira, not a mere Pokemon!" Seymour shouted. "Or I was, once upon a time."

"What's a Maester?" Caspia asked.

"I—" Seymour sighed. "Never mind. That role was a lifetime ago—literally. Now, I am doomed to an existence of wandering around patches of tall grass, avoiding interactions with other members of my species. It is a meaningless existence."

"Oh..."

"Not that any existence has meaning, but I'd wager that this is more meaningless than most."

"That's... that's too bad."

"It is what it is," Seymour shrugged. "At any rate, can I help you with something?"

"Um," Caspia looked around. "Well, I was thinking that maybe we could battle."

"You want to fight? Interesting," The Nidoran remained on its hind legs, cocking its head. "I accept."

"Great... Go, Navi!" Caspia said, pointing a commanding finger towards Seymour. Navi looked at her briefly before hobbling over towards the Nidoran. Both Pokemon stared at each other and then stared at her expectantly.

"Now what?" Seymour said. He sounded impatient.

"Haven't you ever fought a battle before?"

Seymour made a derisive noise. "Don't be ridiculous. I have little time for such pointless endeavours."

"Hey, what the hell is going on here?"

"Oh no," Caspia said as she saw a familiar Rattata barging towards them. "Not her again."

Haruhi the Rattata took a quick look around before hissing at them. "Oh, I see how it is! I leave you alone for one second and you've already replaced me with another Pokemon!"

Caspia started to interrupt, "Actually—"

"What the hell is he supposed to be, anyway?" Haruhi talked over her. "He looks like some kind of retarded Chihuahua. I could totally beat him up, no problem!"

"That's ridiculous. I look nothing like a Chihuahua," Seymour glared at the Rattata. "If anything, my species resembles something along the lines of a rabbit. Or some other ugly, rodent-like creature."

"You're so annoying," Haruhi complained, right before charging at him. "Quick attack!"

"HEY!" Navi cried. She was waving her little turtle like arms around frantically, with a worried expression on her face. "LISTEN! A Rattata has interfered in our Pokemon battle!"

Before them, Rattata and Nidoran were locked in a fierce duel. Rattata had the upperhand, but unbeknownst to Haruhi, Seymour had been spamming the heck out of his signature move, Leer, before she had even realized they were in a battle.

"Listen!" Navi said, reading her mind. "That Rattata's defense has been lowered by three stages!"

"Navi, quick!" Caspia shouted, seeing an opportunity. "Use tackle on that Rattata!"

Obediently, Navi ran towards the battle. She reared up, taking position to give Haruhi a good tackle, but failed to see the oncoming Nidoran. Navi and Haruhi came running at one another, their heads clashing together in a loud thump.

"Damn it..." Haruhi shook her head, taking a step back. "This isn't fair! You'll pay for that!" She was one tough Rattata, but even she couldn't take on two Pokemon at once. Haruhi gave them all a good solid glare before running back towards the tall grass, retreating from sight.

"RATTATA ran away from battle!" Navi cried. She sounded like she was about to continue, but Navi was interrupted as Seymour came from behind her and gave her a solid peck. Squirtle fell forward in a heap, unconscious.

"I released your Squirtle from its worldly suffering," The Nidoran said as it primly sat next to her knocked out Pokemon.

"Not again," Caspia groaned. Her Squirtle must have the worst IVs in the whole world. How was she supposed to get a Gym badge at this rate? She was going to need to catch a few more Pokemon if her Squirtle was going to get knocked out every time she battled.

Caspia gave the Nidoran a calculating look. The rabbit-like Pokemon was currently taking a nap next to her Squirtle. He didn't seem the least bit bothered by their fight, and didn't even appear to be hurt.

He seems pretty strong! Caspia thought to herself. "Hey, Seymour. How would you like to come with me to Pewter City?"

Yawning, the Nidoran opened an eye and gave her a look. He seemed to be contemplating her question.

"Come on, it'd be really fun, I promise!" Caspia pressed. "You'd get to see all sorts of cool .. um, buildings.. and stuff. I mean, you don't really want to spend the rest of your life hanging around Route 2, do you?"

"I suppose not," Seymour shrugged.

"Yes!" Caspia made a fist, retrieving one of her new Pokeballs. "My first Pokemon!"


	8. The Path to the Pokémon League

"You can't go past here! It's private property."

"Let me through." Ant was kneeling on the ground hugging his legs.

"You can't go past here! It's private property."

"Let me through!" Ant whined.

"You can't go past here! It's private property."

"AAAGH LET ME THROUGH RIGHT NOW OR I'LL TELL MY MOM YOU TRIED TO TOUCH ME!"

"You can't go past here! It's private property."

"Let me through!" Ant threw himself at the old man but bounced off as if he were made of rubber.

"You can't go past here! It's private property."

Ant let go of his knees, fell onto his stomach, and started hitting the ground with his fists. "I'M GONNA KILL YOU IF YOU DON'T LET ME THROUGH MISTER!"

"Sorry if I was a bit brusque earlier. I just needed to have my coffee!" The old man's frown dissolved in front of Ant and turned into a beatific smile instantaneously. "Do you want to see how to catch a pokemon?"

"Not really…" Ant said.

"Great! Watch me catch this Weedle."

The old man pointed toward the tall grass in front of Route 2, where a weedle was poking his head out. Ant pointed his spiritdex at it.

* * *

 **THE MASTER**

\- ALL-POWERFUL IMMORTAL PSYCHOPATH

\- CHEESY SENSE OF HUMOR

* * *

"Reincarnated once again! Death comes for all men who walk the earth, save for THE MASTER!" The weedle imperiously walked toward the old man and Ant.

"I have clearly regenerated into my most powerful form yet. This tail of mine is full of venom for the doctor and his disgusting human friends. I'll kill him for good this time and end the time war, and then… this drumming… will finally stop!"

"Wow, if this is your most powerful form, you must have been super lame before," Ant said.

"Impudent child!" The Master said. "I am a time lord. I've destroyed whole civilizations. I gave everyone on earth my face. I owned the most beautiful real estate on all of Gallifrey. Okay, well, technically my dad did. But I was the second best at school!"

"That's not very cool. If I killed Caspia and my sister I would be the best at school in Pallet Town," Ant said.

"I don't have time for this. Take me to your nearest time machine, before I strike you with my poison sting!"

At that point the old man threw a pokeball at the weedle. It only struggled for a second before subsiding.

"You have to weaken them up first," The old man said.

"Whatever, dude. You didn't even hit it."

The old man moved out of the path to Viridian forest and gestured for Ant to enter. "Come on in!"

"You're not my dad! I don't have to listen to you. I'm going to go to the pokemon league." Ant turned around and walked out of Viridian city, heading west to Route 22.


	9. The School of Hard Knocks

"This forest is so confusing," Caspia whined. She'd been stuck in Viridian Forest for AT LEAST an hour. In that whole time, nothing had happened. Well… almost nothing…

"If your Pokemon are weak, you should avoid grassy areas," Navi said.

"I don't care!"

"That makes two of us," Seymour sighed. Her new Nidoran was trotting behind her. "This is ridiculous. I don't understand why you won't just carry me."

"You've got four legs," Caspia said. "You can carry yourself."

"I graciously allowed you to capture me, and volunteered my valuable time to help you with… whatever it is you are attempting to accomplish," Nidoran was glaring at Caspia, but she wasn't paying attention. That's all he ever did nowadays. "The very least you could do is pick me up. You're the one leading us in circles, after all."

"Pewter City is located north of here," Navi said. "Let's go!"

Sighing, Caspia looked around her. The trees in the forest were packed so closely together that they created a canopy above her head, blocking out most of the sky. There seemed to be no end in sight. She looked north, but was dismayed to see that the area was covered in tall grass.

This would be a whole lot easier if she wasn't trying to avoid wild Pokemon. Ideally, she would just walk through it, but every time she tried, her Squirtle died and she had to walk back to the Pokemon center. She had tried that two times already before giving up. There HAD to be another way!

"You know, I bet you'd have no problem beating up those nasty Caterpie," Caspia said slyly, hoping to charm Seymour with compliments.

"No," Seymour snapped. "I'm tired and hungry, and if you try to make me fight another disgusting bug creature, I'm going to lie on the floor and refuse to move again."

Caspia sighed. "But-"

"HEY!"

Caspia stopped moving and watched as a boy in a blue baseball cap came rushing towards her out of the thick grass ahead.

 _Wow_ , Caspia thought. _He must be pretty tough to be walking through there!_

The boy slowed down as he reached her, stopping to rest his hands on his knees as he tried to catch his breath. After a few seconds, he reached towards the lone pokeball on his belt and looked her straight in the eye with a determined expression. "If you walk in front of a trainer, you have to battle them. It's the law."

"Oh. Really?" Caspia was skeptical. This kid was at least 2 years younger than her. What did he know? "What happens if I don't want to?"

The boy looked baffled. "You go to jail. Duh! Everyone knows that." The boy smirked, shaking his head. "You must be really new at this."

This kid was totally obnoxious. "Fine! Get ready to die!" Caspia shouted.

"Um… you mean my Pokemon, right?"


	10. Bulbasaur and the Hidden Village

Ant walked onto Route 22, excited to get to the Pokemon League.

 _I don't know why all those other idiots do all the gyms. I can just walk straight to the Elite Four!_

Hermione was walking by his side, prattling on about how she was monitoring her levels to determine her IVs. As always, Doakes' muffled curses could be heard from Ant's backpack.

"So I've calculated that my special defense is between 24 and 31. 31 is the highest they go, you know! I'll know it exactly once I've leveled up two more times. My attack isn't that good, but I'm grass type, so it doesn't matter very much. Can you walk into the tall grass so I can fight another pokemon? I really want to learn leech seed!"

"I guess, if it will make you shut up. I'm so tired of this statistics stuff," Ant said.

"My stats are really important, Ant! How are we going to defeat the elite four without knowing how powerful we are? You should also use Doakes soon so we can see what his IVs are."

"Shuuuut up!" Ant whined. He ran away into the tall grass, Hermione bounding after him on her squat legs.

Soon, they encountered a Nidoran! Ant pointed his Spiritdex at it.

* * *

 **AGRO**

\- SWIFT

\- TRUSTY

\- SELF-SACRIFICING

\- A HORSE

* * *

"Okay Hermione, go kill it!"

Hermione walked up to the Nidoran and hunched down, preparing to pounce. Instead of dodging or counterattacking, the Nidoran turned around and kneeled down. Hermione jumped and landed on top of the nidoran

"Neigh!" Agro said. He reared his legs and started bounding forward as Hermione punched him!

"Okay Hermione, lay off a little. I think it's letting you ride it!"

Hermione stopped hitting the Nidoran and it coursed through the tall grass, carrying Hermione along with it. Agro seemed very excited, but Hermione looked frustrated.

"This isn't how battles are supposed to work! How am I supposed to train when everyone is acting so weird!" Hermione said.

"Ride him over to me, Hermione!"

Hermione leaned left, and Agro understood the signal, circling back towards Ant.

When Agro got to Ant's feet, Ant plucked Hermione off the Nidoran.

"My turn!" He yelled, before sitting down on the Nidoran. Agro's little legs gave out underneath Ant's weight, and he fell to the ground. A poison spike embedded itself in Ant's leg.

"Ow ow ow! I can't believe this stupid Nidoran tricked me!" Ant got up and kicked Agro. Agro's eyes widened and he darted back into the tall grass.

Hermione just rolled her eyes.

"Finally, the Pokemon League!" Ant said. "My long journey is finally at an end."

He walked into the Pokemon League entrance, The foyer was a large room with one door on the other side, across a red carpet. In front of the door he saw a man arguing with a Rattata. Ant pointed his souldex at the Rattata.

* * *

 **HARUHI SUZUMIYA**

\- BOSSY, MANIPULATIVE

\- ALL POWERFUL

\- IN THE TOP PERCENTAGE OF RATTATA

* * *

"Listen, idiot. I. AM. THE BEST. RAT-TATA. That means you should let me through! I demand the right to challenge the Elite Four!"

"Listen to you chitter! You sure are a cute rattata! Who's a cute Rattata?" The man reached down to pet the Rattata, and Haruhi answered by biting into his hand. The man flung the Rattata back towards Ant, squealing in distress.

"If you don't let me through, your stupid hand will be the least of your worries. I can't BELIEVE the Elite Four are too cowardly to face me."

Ant walked up to talk to the man and Haruhi noticed him for the first time.

"Hey you! Are you going to fight the Elite Four?" Haruhi asked.

"Yeah, I'm going to kick their ass with my Bulbasaur."

"You should catch me. I'm in the top percentage of Rattata!"

"Sorry, Haruhi. I only catch evil pokemon because they're the best fighters. You just seem obnoxious, not evil."

"Whatever. I'm so tired of you stupid trainers. I'll just go find someone who's actually smart enough to realize I'm the best pokemon."

Grumbling, Haruhi wandered out the door.


	11. The Adventures of Joey, Pt 1

This was it! This was the day that Joey would prove himself to the world! No longer would he stand in the shadows of his two older brothers. Who, as it happened, had abandoned him in the lonely forest near Viridan City, with only his Spinarak to keep him company.

It was okay, though. Joey had big dreams. Someday, Joey was going to make it to the Elite Four. His brothers were total jerks, but little did they know, they had actually left him in an opportune location. He had looked at a map and everything - the entrance to Victory Road was close by!

Of course, he was _way_ too smart to actually try and go there. He knew he needed 8 badges first, but he figured if he stuck around, he might meet people nearby who were attempting to make the trek themselves. His dad always told him, "Make connections, son. That's how you make it to the top."

Besides, he needed to train up his new Spinarak. And just his luck! It wasn't long before Joey managed to run into some dumb girl wandering around.

 _She looks really weak. I can definitely beat her up and steal her money, no problem_! Joey thought to himself, smirking.

* * *

" _Fine! Get ready to die!_ " Caspia had shouted at him.

Crazy chicks were crazy.

"Go, Spinarak!" Joey shouted after retrieving his Pokeball.

With a quick burst of light, the spider pokemon appeared before him and got into its battle stance.

"Go, NAVI!" The crazy chick commanded. From behind her, a Squirtle trotted out. Joey wasn't sure why she bothered screaming when her Pokemon weren't even in their balls.

"Spinarak, use poison sting!" Joey said. His Spinarak didn't need to be told twice. The spider Pokemon bolted towards the Squirtle, who stood there dumbly as his Spinarak stung him.

He heard the squirtle moan. Little bubbles popped above his head, and he kneeled down, fatigued.

 _Yes!_ Joey thought. _Poisoned on the first go!_

"Nooooo…." Caspia moaned. "Navi, for the love of all that is holy, can you please… CAN YOU _PLEASE_ NOT DIE FOR ONCE?!"

The squirtle moaned again.

"Spinarak!" Joey yelled. "Constrict that sucker!"

Spinarak immediately shot a string of web out at the Squirtle, encasing the creature within seconds. It didn't take long for the Squirtle to start howling. Caspia didn't seem to be paying much attention, though.

"Okay, Seymour. What do you want?"

She seemed to be talking to the Nidoran on the floor next to her. The Nidoran grunted in response.

"To battle, obviously," Caspia rolled her eyes. The Nidoran growled at her. "No duh! Do you WANT to go back to the Pokecenter for the 3rd time today?"

"Grrrhghghghg," Nidoran said.

"I don't believe you," Caspia said.

"Grrrghghghgh!"

"You want a WHAT?!"

 _Maybe she can speak Pokemon_ , Joey thought. Well, whatever. Who really cared? "SPINARAK! Finish off that lame turtle with a POISON STING!"

Five seconds later, Squirtle fell to the floor, unconscious. Joey chuckled to himself, pleased to have killed off her first Pokemon so easily. He waited for the crazy chick to send out her next Pokemon, but she didn't seem to notice that her Squirtle had died. She was still arguing with the Nidoran.

"Hey!" Joey yelled. "Pay attention to me!"

"What?" Caspia finally looked over at him. "Oh. Squirtle got knocked out. What a surprise."

"Are you gonna send out your next Pokemon or what?" Joey said, getting impatient.

"Oh," Caspia blinked. "Well, about that…" she bit her lip, "You don't happen to have any berries on you, do you?"

"Huh?" Joey stared at her.

"My Nidoran is hungry, and he won't fight unless I feed him some berries. Leppa berries, preferably. He's kind of picky."

"..." Was this chick serious? "No, I don't have any berries." He stared at her awkwardly, and she let out a deep sigh. For some reason, he felt bad. "Sorry."

"Well, if you don't have any berries, then I guess I'm out of Pokemon," Caspia sighed. "I forfeit."

Joey wasn't sure what to say to that. He still won, right? "Well, alright, I guess. Are you still going to give me half of your money?"

"Ugh, whatever," Caspia seemed annoyed, but she still reached into her pocket to retrieve her gold. Before she could hand it to him, she froze, with a look of horror on her face. "Not you-! Ugh, just go AWAY already! Have you been watching me this whole time?!"

Confused, Joey followed Caspia's gaze to see who she was yelling at. "Um, who are you talking to?" Joey asked. "There's no one there."

Caspia glared at him.

Unless… "Are you talking to that Rattata?" What a weirdo!


	12. Charmander – The Stray Pokémon

Ant stood completely still, staring at the cobblestone ridge that defined Route 22's sinuous path to the pokemon league HQ.

Inside, he was fuming.

 _I can't believe that butthead wouldn't let me fight the elite four just because I don't have any badges. That Rattata was right, the Pokemon league is a scam and the elite four are scaredy-cats. I don't even want to be the Pokemon champion! Beating Caspia over and over again is all I really care about. That will teach her to be more responsible than me._

Ant had a feeling she would show up soon to challenge him, but only if he stood completely still. His eye itched really badly, but he didn't dare scratch it. It felt like he'd been standing here for hours, but the shadows around him hadn't moved at all. In fact, it seemed like the sun was just as high as it was when he left Professor Oak's. _I guess it's true what they say; time comes to a grinding halt when you go on a Pokemon adventure!_ He decided he'd stay here just until the sunset. If Caspia didn't show up by then, she probably just forgot they were supposed to fight on every route.

Ant's back was on fire and his knees felt like they would give out any second. The sun hadn't moved at all. What was going on? _Whatever. I guess Caspia isn't coming._ Ant decided to walk back to Viridian City and rest for a while. He took a step into the tall grass.

Suddenly, a giant Butterfree flew down from above the ridge and landed on his head. The butterfree started to pummel his head with his tiny fits.

"Hahaha, I bet you didn't expect the Butterfree maneuver!" It yelled out. "That will teach you to think two dimensionally. Ant struggled to pull his pokeball off his belt, but he couldn't see anything through Butterfree's wings.

"Okay, crew! Attack!"

At the Butterfree's call, a gang of Rattata ran out from the tall grass and started nibbling at his feet. Ant feel to his knees, but he finally managed to get a good grip on the pokeball. _This will do the trick!_

"Okay Hermione! Let's do this" Ant tried to smash the pokeball into the Butterfree as hard as he could, but it nimbly dodged and flew up to perch on the ridge, leaving Ant to conk himself on the head. The Rattata were biting him all over.

 _Maybe getting some more information will help._ He pulled out his Spiritdex and aimed it at the Butterfree.

* * *

 **CAPTAIN KIRK**

\- SHREWD FEDERATION OFFICER

\- BRILLIANT TACTICIAN

\- SWARTHY

* * *

As Ant was reading the display, one of the Rattata managed to kick him in the head. Everything turned dark.

* * *

Ant woke up in the Pokemon center. Thomas Covenant was standing above him, replacing the cold bandage on his head with a warm one.

"What happened?" Ant asked.

"Apparently you lost a Pokemon battle. Assuming you believe Pokemon are even real…" Thomas groused.

"That's impossible! I'm not supposed to lose! I'm supposed to be the best." Tears started forming in Ant's eyes.

"It's okay. The nice old man who brought you here says he only took half your money. And everybody loses sometimes. I lost two of my fingers and the love of my life to leprosy, you know. Are you crying?"

Ant tried his best to hold back his tears, but it didn't help. They kept coming and coming.

"I didn't even get to use my Pokemon him and the Rattata just kept hitting me over and over it wasn't even a fair fight they used stupid tricks I hate captains and I hate the Spiritdex and I hate Pokemon!" Ant couldn't seem to control his high-pitched whining.

"Don't worry, Ant. It will be okay. There are worse burdens than losing a battle. Far worse fates that a human can be subjected to. You don't have the burden of white gold to deal with. This cursed ring is the one constant that follows me from world to world, taunting me with memories of the love I'll never feel again. Joan…"

Through his tears, Ant saw a beautiful ring wrapped around the Chansey's arm. How strange. Pokemon didn't wear jewelry…

Maybe Ant could beat him up and steal it! Thinking about assault cheered Ant up a little, and he managed to stifle the end of his sniffles.

"That's, uh. That's nice, Chansey. Thanks for talking to me. I feel better now." Ant reached toward his pokeball, preparing to launch a surprise attack on the Chansey like Captain Kirk had done to him.


	13. Mystery at the Lighthouse

"Go, Hermione!" Ant yelled. He flung Hermione's pokeball at chansey. Chansey wobbled and fell over, demonstrating his excellent balance. Hermione emerged out of her pokeball, ready for combat.

"Who am I fighting? I can't wait until I learn Vine Whip!"

"I need you to kill that Chansey so I can steal its ring!" Ant shouted.

Hermione looked around. She saw a sterile lobby with a bunch of old men and injured pokemon. A wobbuffet was crying on the couch next to her.

"Uh, Ant. This is a pokemon center. We shouldn't fight anybody here." Hermione said.

Meanwhile, Chansey was scooting herself back into a corner, a look of fear in her eyes as she stared at Hermione.

Ant kneeled down to address Hermione in the most patronizing way possible. "Hermione, I'm your trainer. You basically have to do whatever I tell you. Now murder that Chansey, okay?" Ant smiled.

"I guess that is the proper role of a pokemon. I don't think it's right, though." Hermione gulped.

"I don't have time for this. Attack!" Ant kicked Hermione into the Chansey.

Chansey's eyes bugged out. She held her hands over her face to keep Hermione's vines away from her, with the white gold ring exposed on the hand on top. A beam of energy flew out of the white gold ring and struck Hermione in flight, sending her flying back. She slammed through the pokemon center's double doors.

Ant ran outside to collect Hermione. She was about 20 feet away from the door, in a heap underneath the fence separating the city from Route 1.

Back in the pokemon center, Ant took Hermione behind the desk to talk to Chansey.

"Can you heal this Bulbasaur for me?" Ant asked.

"Uh… sure."

Now that Hermione was better, Ant headed toward Viridian city. He was excited to learn that that crazy old man was busy playing with his Weedle and didn't try to stop him.

"I AM THE MASTER! TRIFLE NOT WITH ME, OLD MAN!" The weedle shouted.

"Okay weedy! Try to use string shot!" The man seemed totally oblivious to the master's frustration. Ant walked by as quickly as he could.

Viridian Forest had the most trees of any twenty foot area Ant had seen in his entire life. There were literally dozens of them.

"Hey Hermione, what kind of tree is that? It's at least twice as big as me."

"Wow, you don't get out much, do you? That's an oak tree…" Hermione responded.

"You don't have to be such a meanie about it. I know I'm not as smart as you. But I'm bigger than you, and I can hold you down and hurt you if you don't stop being such a bitch." Ant replied.

A kid ran up to him with a purple pokemon following in his footsteps. Ant recognized the weird little Rattata who wouldn't leave him alone earlier.

"I'm Joey, and this is my Rattata!" He yelled. "She's in the top percentage of all Rattata."

"Um, okay. Does it know any special moves?" Ant asked.

"I dunno. Haruhi, do you know any special moves?"  
"Quick attack!" The rattata yelled, and rushed at Hermione.

Hermione flinched a little at the Rattata's astonishingly quick attack, but recovered a moment later.

"Ant, I don't think I need to use leech seed on this girl. A couple tackles should knock it out."

"Okay, do that!" Ant said.

Hermione rushed the rattata, knocking it into the mud. It was much closer to dodging the attack than the average Rattata would have been, to be fair.

"That's not fair!" Haruhi yelled. "That's not even a Rattata, and its twice as big as me. YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO FALL OVER WHEN I HIT YOU!" Haruhi's cheeks turned red, and she started beating the ground with her claws.

Hermione turned around to face the Rattata, and tackled her again, knocking her out.

"That was fun! Good game" Ant said, and started walking further into the forest. Joey passed out in a heap on the forest floor.


	14. Electric Shock Showdown

Caspia was in an awful mood. Joey and that obnoxious rattata Haruhi had teamed up together and sent her and her Pokemon to the Pokecenter. Then the Rattata had decided to join Joey's team, since he seemed to appreciate her, or something like that.

In her defense, she hadn't whited out. Seymour the Nidoran had all of his HP stilll; he just didn't feel like fighting.

"I don't see how this has anything to do with me," Seymour remarked, trodding a few steps behind Caspia, who was holding an injured Navi in her arms.

"It's okay, Seymour," Caspia said. They were on their way back into Viridan City. "I never admit defeat!"

"That's probably for the best," Seymour said. "Otherwise, your life would be horribly depressing."

"Exactly," Caspia agreed.

Caspia was worried that she might never make it through Viridian City at this rate. After all, if wild Pokemon were teaming up with inept Bug Trainers, what else might be in store for her? Squirtle were relatively rare Pokemon, and Caterpie and Rattata were run of the mill at best. It was pretty pathetic that she was being defeated left and right.

"Navi, I think we're going to have to come up with a better strategy if we ever want to become Pokemon Masters," Caspia said, her eyes downcast as she trudged through the forest. Her recent losses were very concerning... _What kind of twelve-year-old Pokemon trainer am I?_ Caspia thought to herself. _What a disappointment..._

"Listen! Only humans can become Pokemon Masters!" Navi informed her.

"Oh," Caspia said. "Right. I mean, if I'm ever going to become a Pokemon Master, I'm going to have to come up with a better strategy."

"Listen!" Navi shouted, her voice rather intense.

"Yes?" Navi must have had something very important to say!

"Pewter City is located in the northwestern region of Kanto!"

Caspia stared at her. "Right. Yes, of course." Navi had told her that at least 5 times in the last hour, so that must be very important. "I have an idea. Obviously, we're not very good at knocking out Pokemon. So I was thinking that it might be better if we just run away as frequently as possible."

"I find running very tiresome," Seymour yawned. "I think that's a terrible strategy."

"Then I'll carry you," Caspia said quickly, crossing her arms in irritation. "We're not going to get anywhere if we keep whiting out."

"I suppose," Seymour sighed. "As long as I don't have to run anywhere."

"Hey!" Navi said. "Listen!"

* * *

Thirty minutes later, an exhausted Caspia entered Pewter City, carrying an unconscious Nidoran in one arm and a Squirtle in the other.


	15. Battle Aboard the St Anne

Little did our "hero" know that another aspiring young trainer was arriving. Maria had just obtained her first two Pokemon; one she stole from an old trainer's house, and another she bought on the black market-or, at least she thought it was the black market. She spent a thousand on it, so she felt it must be good. Or, at least it was good enough. Because Maria wasn't the hard working type. Sure, she'd resort to stealing, but she wasn't evil. She was just lazy. Going to jail? Psst, there's seemingly no police presence anyways, considering the Mafia was toppled by an 11 year old boy with an Eevee. Nevertheless, she wanted to know if her spoils were any good, so she was looking for any trainer to test against.

"Look at that loser! She's definitely a trainer, and she's been in that Pokemon Center about 5 times in the last 30 minutes. Let's go."

* * *

Caspia, dejectedly, walked out of the Pokemon Center, thinking over her chances of beating the Elite Four. "Ugh, guys, do I have to lose this many times before I become a Pokemon Master?"

"Winning and losing are meaningless events in the ennui of life," responded Seymour. "Life is suffering."

"That's bleak. I don't want to be bleak. I want milkshakes." Caspia never really had a good thought process, but she was already feeling more motivated.

"HEY YOU! I CHALLENGE YOU TO BATTLE!" Maria was confident, despite not even knowing her own strength.

"Who are you?"

"My name is… Maria Noir! And I shall be the best trainer the world has ever seen!"

Caspia wasn't deterred. She knew that if she won, she'd get prize money. A welcome change, since she had already spent half of her mom's savings getting to this point.

"Alright Navi, you've got this!"

Maria grasped at her first Pokeball, waiting to see what she had stole. "I CHOOSE YOU!"

Out of the Pokeball bursted a giant, towering Pokemon, blotting the sun out of Navi's sight. It turns out that Maria is at least good at stealing, as her prize was a Tyranitar.

"Crap," Caspia muttered. Her dreams of milkshakes faded away.

"Ooh baby!" Maria grinned. Maybe crime does pay.

"HEY, LISTEN!" Navi interjected, "I know I am woefully underqualified to attack this thing, but I managed to learn a water attack! He's weak to water! I can keep hitting it with bubbles!"

"Alright Tyranitar, use Rock Slide on this wimp!"

Tyranitar heard the command, but didn't listen. Instead, he used growl. Everyone was confused. Navi attacked back with a bubble, which seemed to annoy Tyranitar, but didn't do much at all. Maria turned to Tyranitar again, and commanded, "Okay, maybe you don't know that move. Use Earthquake."

Once again, Tyranitar looked, and used Tail Whip instead. Caspia was curious enough to talk to it. "Okay Souldex, show me who we've got.

* * *

 **NED FLANDERS**

\- Ner-diddly-erd

\- Pacifist

\- Left-handed

\- Devout Christian

"Hidely-ho, neighborino!," greeted Ned to Caspia.

* * *

Maria tried one more time, "ATTACK, DAMN YOU! YOU'RE A CITY-DESTROYING MONSTER! STOOOOONE EDGEEEEEE!"

"I can't attack creatures of God's green earth! Let he who is without sin cast the first stone." And just like that, Tyranitar laid down.

"You're useless," Maria cried sheepishly. If she had bothered to get a gym badge before trying to control such an advanced Pokemon, maybe something would happen. She took Ned back. Maybe she'd have luck with the Pokemon she bought. She threw the next Pokeball, and with anticipation, yelled, "I CHOOSE YOU!"

Plop.

Splash.

Magikarp. This wasn't going well.

"YES! Finally, somebody trusts me to battle! Let's see what this new form can do," said the Magikarp, not knowing his form was essentially as useful as a cotton ball. Caspia, hearing this, was curious once again, and investigated this Magikarp with the Souldex.

* * *

 **VEGETA**

\- Highly-trained Super Saiyan

\- Arrogant

\- Well-groomed

* * *

"That scamming motherfucker," said Maria, realizing that she had just been ripped off. Instead of trying to command the Magikarp to attack, Maria had a better idea; she picked Vegeta up by the tail, and started swinging away at Navi.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I am a powerful Saiyan! LET ME BATTLE!"

"HEY, LISTEN! Pokemon are supposed to battle," cried Navi.

Navi stood there, taking no damage. Maria eventually got tired, and recalled Vegeta. "You'll learn! I'll be back to beat you!"

Just like that, Caspia won her first battle. She would be able to get a milkshake after all.


End file.
